When tweens and teens start pulling away from parents, it’s a natural part of their age and stage of development. But, even when they withdraw, they need us more than ever. Young people depend on caring adults to meet their relational needs of love and safety.
“Back in my day, I would walk five miles to the grocery store to buy milk, head to the chicken coop to collect eggs, and spend hours picking potatoes in the field. Then, I would come home and cook for the family. I was ten years old.”
My daughter’s middle school years were full of friendship drama, and it seemed like her friend groups changed every week. When it was time for high school, I worried she’d be the only lonely kid in the high school crowd.
Social worker and certified parent coach Maria Sanders says learning who your friends are is a normal stage in teenage social development, and that we shouldn’t worry too much if our kids go through middle school and the early years of high school still searching for friends. It might take some time, but roughly, “By the time teens are in 10th or 11th grade,” according to Sanders, “everyone is feeling a lot more grounded in who they are and where they belong.”
Do you remember your teen years? This period is a really important one and comes with all of its ups and downs. It's full of identity development and exploration. Your teen may oscillate between trends, fashion styles, and music genres. You may feel more disconnected from your teen. Their peer relationships and status in those peer groups become priorities as they attempt to figure out who they are. They may be exploring their first romantic relationships.
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