When your child graduates from toddlerhood to childhood, things change a little food-wise. Your little one might be in preschool now or perhaps they’re in a dayhome or with a nanny (or maybe still at home with you!). Either way, your child most likely won’t be eating all of their meals at home anymore, which possibly means that you may not have as much control over everything they’re offered. This can be a really good and somewhat challenging thing all at once. Let me explain!
Your child looks to you as their main role model for what “healthy, normal eating” is. But at this stage, the foods they see their friends eating, as well as the foods they see on screens or shiny packages, will also have an influence on them. If your child’s best friend is eating cookies and gummy bears at snack time (or at a playdate) while your kid is eating carrot sticks and hummus, you are so going to hear about it from your kid later! At this age, kids know what they like and tend to be vocal about it, so it’s a good time to involve them in grocery shopping, food prep, and cooking so they feel as though they have some control over their food choices – something they crave at this age.
The division of responsibility in feeding
I’m a big fan of Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in feeding (sDOR), which is a brilliant concept that defines the roles of parents and children in the feeding relationship. It takes the pressure off both parent and child, and allows the child to learn how to self-regulate, listen to their body, love a variety of foods, and establish a long-term positive relationship with food.
Essentially, the parent is responsible for what, where, and when food is served, and the child is in charge of if they eat and how much they eat. This can be tough to wrap your head around, especially if you’ve gotten into the habit of pressuring your child to eat certain foods or a certain amount of foods, or “just try it.” Of course, we as parents want our kids to be well-nourished and get enough to eat, but pressure often backfires and doesn’t really teach our kids to listen to their bodies.
It takes time and patience – you might think your child will starve (or eat copious amounts of bread) but trust me… it can be magical! Your job isn’t to “get your kid to eat” – it’s more so to provide a variety of different foods in a non-pressured and positive environment. The rest is up to them! If practiced consistently, it can truly make mealtimes more pleasant, takes the pressure off of everyone, and creates long-lasting, healthy eating habits.
Now, there is nuance to everything, and the sDOR is only one tool that I suggest. For many families, it works wonders, but for others it may not. If you have a neurodivergent child, or a child with prolonged and severe picky eating, the sDOR may not work on its own.
Nurturing the “intuitive eater” in your child
You may have trouble believing your child can or should choose how much or if they want to eat – we grew up in a food culture that told us to “clear our plates” or “take one more bite.” Too often, well-meaning parents feel the need to micromanage their child’s intake, either out of habit or to feel peace of mind. On the other hand, you may take food away too quickly from your child (or caution them that they’ve had too much). But kids are born intuitive eaters – typically, they know how much they need and when to stop – so it’s important to trust them to trust themselves (and nurture this), and not pressure them to eat more. So, instead of saying
“Two more bites, and you can get down,” you could say, “Is your tummy done eating? Great, good job for listening to your tummy. You can get down and bring your plate to the counter.”
By offering five to six eating opportunities throughout the day (spaced out every two to three hours) with lots of variety, you can be sure that your little one will likely meet their nutritional needs over a period of a week.
A couple more mealtime tools
Being courteous without catering: This simply means making sure to offer food that you know your child will enjoy or accept, alongside the other foods in the meal. Maybe this is dinner rolls, maybe it’s cucumber slices, or maybe it’s fruit. As long as your child has something that they readily accept, that’s perfect! This is much different than short-order cooking or offering a separate meal if your child doesn’t like the one that’s served.
Family-style meals: This is where you lay all of the components of the meal out on the table, and help your child build their own plate from the foods offered. Again, you’ve already done your job by choosing what’s going to be on the table, so it’s time to let your child be in charge of what goes on their plate. This can build eating competence, confidence, and independence! And to be honest, it’s easier than a plated meal for you! Think family-style tacos, make-your-own pita pizzas, a yogurt parfait buffet, or a snack-style dinner. It doesn’t have to be fancy!
What your child’s day should look like, food-wise
Welcome to the wild and random appetites of preschoolers! Some days they happily munch on everything you serve, and other days hardly eat anything! One day they love spaghetti, and the next they hate it. Know that this is normal and it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong or that your child is doomed to a life of picky eating.
Regardless of how much your child is willing to eat at any given time, meal and snack times should be somewhat structured and spaced out about two to three hours apart. Not a strict written-in-stone schedule, but a predictable rhythm. This likely translates into three meals and two to three snacks per day. Perhaps it’s breakfast at 7:30am, snack at 10am, lunch at 12:30pm, snack at 3pm, dinner at 5:30pm and a before-bed snack at 7:30pm. Everyone’s schedule is different, but this gives you an example.
Foods to serve your preschooler
At this stage, your child can eat mostly everything, but that doesn’t mean they will, and it really depends on the day! Again, variety matters. Making sure that each meal contains at least three components (a protein-rich food, a grain or starch, and a fruit and/or vegetable) ensures that it’s balanced nutritionally. For snacks, I always suggest pairing protein-rich foods with either a fruit or veggie, or a grain or starch (or smaller servings of both!). The idea is that you offer your child energy (carbohydrates) + protein (staying power) to keep their tummies satisfied and energy levels stable until the next eating opportunity.
Sample meals and snacks for three- to four-year-olds:
Breakfast
Morning snack
Lunch
Afternoon snack
Dinner
Snack
Sarah Remmer, RD, is a pediatric registered dietitian, writer, and author of the book, Food to Grow On (Random House). She is the founder and president of Centred Nutrition Collective, and leads a team of compassionate, highly skilled dietitians who support families across Canada). To book an appointment, visit centrednutritioncollective.com and to browse Sarah’s blog, check out sarahremmer.com.
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