Out of the blue, your ten-year-old is complaining of “stomach aches” every morning when it’s time for her to catch the bus. Maybe your youngest son has no appetite anymore and you’re begging him just to eat anything. Or, perhaps you have started noticing that they just don’t seem to be interested in the hobbies and activities they used to beg you to do. Sound familiar?
Getting to the bottom of what’s going on with kids and teens can feel like a never-ending game of 20 questions (especially the part where you only get yes or no answers!). Young people have so many internal and external stimuli at all times, which can make it difficult to pinpoint exactly what the change is and where it’s coming from. Hormones? Screens? Bullying? Just a bad day? Let’s talk about how to notice stress and burnout in kids and teens as well as how to support them in navigating these tough feelings.
1. Stress Looks Physical First. Our bodies often recognize that something is “off” even before our minds have clued in.
What to notice: Keep an eye out for changes in their physical well-being – unexplained headaches or stomach aches with no clear medical cause, trouble sleeping or change in appetite. Anything that feels “off” or deviates from what you are used to could be their body’s way of telling them and you that something inside is not feeling right.
What to do: Help them understand how our brains, hearts and bodies are connected. Model language that shows them this connection, like “Sometimes when I am stressed, my stomach feels like it’s in knots.” Support them in using this language. Don’t try to change everything all at once – keep routines steady and predictable. Always loop in a pediatrician or physician if you are worried about their physical health.
2. Examine the Environment. While we all want our kids to have a rich, full life, to nourish passions and get them ready for their future, many young people these days are burning out from feeling too much commitment and responsibility. Kids need lots of time to rest, imagine, play, and be kids.
What to notice: Lack of interest in activities they used to like, big reactions to perceived failure or disappointment (like a bad mark on a test, procrastination, or emotional exhaustion).
What to do: Sit with your child and examine their weekly schedule. Think about chores they’re responsible for, after-school activities, and homework expectations. Then, remove one thing from the list and add in one protective habit, like unstructured time, connection with nature, or sleep. Remember: Our children learn most from our example. How are you taking care of your own burnout risk? Do you have self-care strategies? If not, it’s going to be a lot harder to convince your little people to build those habits for themselves. Talk to teachers and counsellors about how they can help in the schools as well.
3. Understand the Impact of Screen Time. There is a strong correlation between time spent on screens, sleep quality and quantity, and stress in young people.
What to notice: Difficulty falling asleep or staying awake during the day, or increased irritability after being on screens and when screens are taken away could all be signs that the time spent on screens is impacting both sleep and stress levels.
What to do: Keep screens out of bedrooms and limit screen time at least one hour before bedtime. Build a family media plan and make sure you are all following it (once again, it’s hard to convince a kid to be off of screens when we ourselves are not modelling that behavior). Instead of talking about cutting back screen time, try adding in more time for being outside, family time, and sleep.
The good news? The science is clear that strong, secure attachments with healthy adults are the number-one best buffer for stress and burnout. When we model stress management and build relationships with our kids that allow for open conversations, mistakes, and learning, we are already doing the most important work of burnout-proofing our kids. Helping them learn to navigate stress before it becomes a significant concern is a skill they will carry throughout their lives.
Please note that all of these symptoms are red flags that could point towards or be the beginning of depression or other serious mental health concerns. If you are ever concerned about your child’s safety, do not hesitate to seek help. For urgent risk, call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline) or contact Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868 text 686868); both are 24/7 nationwide. For ongoing concerns, speak with your family doctor or school counsellor, and ask about evidence-based support.
Aimee is a registered social worker who has been working in mental health, addictions, homelessness, and education in Calgary for the last 15 years. She is passionate about working with young people (anywhere from Kindergarten to teen years and up) and takes her role as the fun auntie very seriously. A born and raised Calgarian, Aimee attended the University of Calgary for both her bachelor's degree and her Master of Social Work.
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