Change is a river we all cross at different points in our lives. Sometimes the current might feel more tolerable, like a change of plans with a friend or a surprise quiz in class. Other times, it may feel rapid and unpredictable, like a move to a new city, a family separation, or the loss of someone you love.
No matter the shape or size of the change, crossing that river can stir up a lot of emotions for both kids and parents. As a parent, you might find yourself wondering:
There is no “one-script-fits-all” to answer these questions, but there are ways to wade through the waters together, without getting completely swept away. This article offers some guidance on how to support your child navigate big change.
Name the River
Before we can guide our tweens/teens, we need to name what’s happening. Parents often ask me, “What should I tell them?” A good guideline to remember is that you know your child well – pair that with using clear, honest, and age-appropriate language. Children of all ages can sense when something feels off and silence often feels more confusing than truth. Ambiguity and silence may lead to them filling in the gaps with even worse assumptions.
In naming the river, you might consider something like:
Naming the river gives your child something concrete to hold onto, a starting point for making sense of their emotions.
Wade in the River With Them
It’s tempting to want to fix or solve the discomfort of change for your tweens/teens. But often, what they need most is your willingness to be present with them. Instead of trying to carry them across, try being with them.
Three ways to wade in the river with your child during change:
Your consistent and grounded presence (as much as you can) communicates safety beyond what words can say.
Help Them Find Their Crossing
Change can make children feel powerless. Helping them find small ways to have a sense of control can make a big difference.
Some ways to bring control back into their world:
Little by little, they’ll discover different things that help them navigate the uncertainty.
Show Them Your Crossing
Your child learns a lot about resilience by watching you navigate your own emotions.
It’s okay to say, “This is hard for me, too.” Sharing bits and bites of your emotions (in a way that’s appropriate) normalizes the full human experience, giving the message that all emotions, sadness, frustration, worry, confusion, and even hope and joy, can coexist.
Let them see you pause, take a breath, reach out for your own support, and keep going. You’re showing them that it’s possible to face the unknown and still move forward.
Remind Them the River Doesn’t Stay High Forever
When we’re in the middle of it, change can feel endless. But eventually, the river starts to settle into its new flow. Hold space for both the loss of what was and the curiosity for what is to come. Remind your tween/teen and yourself that it’s okay to grieve. As long as you grieve, it’s ok to laugh, to rest, to rebuild, and to grow.
Crossing the river of change doesn’t mean forgetting what’s behind, it means learning how to carry those experiences courageously as you step onto new ground.
Let’s walk this path together with presence, courage, and hope.
Chantal is a teen life coach, psychologist, and the founder of Pyramid Psychology, a Calgary-based business dedicated to helping teen girls build confidence, resilience, and emotional well-being through coaching, therapy, and group programs. To learn more about her mission to support 100,000 teen girls in developing strong mindsets and self-acceptance, visit pyramidpsychology.com.
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